Today I went on a quest. It was a small quest, but still an adventure. It’s like when you’re a knight and your princess asks you to go find her glass slipper she left downstairs, and you were hoping to slay some dragon. In other words, it was stupid easy, but still something I found amusing.

I digress. My goal was to drop off a UPS package that contained some books that I was returning to Amazon. Google Maps was a little sketchy on WHERE exactly I could find a UPS drop off point, so I chose the location that was the “closest” to me, and hoped it was really there (for some backstory, I’d had several issues looking for UPS Stores that no longer existed back in Atlanta).

So I set off, box in hand, spirits high, and hoping to be finished with my errand quickly. If you read my blog frequently, you may pick up on my sarcastic foreshadowing. Also, I’ve learned that nothing in San Francisco can be achieved “quickly.”

I don’t know if you’ve ever been to San Francisco, but this city has some pretty bitchin’ hills. I’m surprised my calves aren’t beautifully sculpted by now (I blame all the cake I ea… wait didn’t I use the excuse a few posts back? Bah). The UPS drop off I’d located was pretty much at the tippy-top of Nob Hill (the emphasis on HILL), and so by the time I got up there with package in hand, I was huffing and puffing.

I arrive at my destination (sans GPS or Google Maps to double check where I’m going) to find the Fairmont Hotel. I’m staring at a huge, ornate building… and no UPS sign in sight. Now I’ve realized that once again Google Maps has failed me miserably.

Nowhere in my directions from did it bother to mention that my intended destination was INSIDE of another destination, at the end of a long and difficult labyrinth that no one would be able to find without a guide. Shame on you, Google. At least put a disclaimer that says, “Gee, FYI your quest is going to lead you UNDERGROUND.” It would’ve been nice to not have wasted time wandering the blocks around the area, looking like a tourist, or attracting the ire and suspicion of onlookers since I passed the same street corner about four times in fifteen minutes.

Long story short, I eventually ended up at the Fairmont again, and was able to clothesline a bellhop long enough to ask him if he knew where the UPS store was. Lo and behold, it was INSIDE the magnificent hotel (no more “your princess is in another castle” BS for me!) and my quest now became to navigate the labyrinth without getting lost and dying of starvation in the meantime.

Obviously I found the place after a time, and got to experience a piece of sightseeing glory in the process. The Fairmont is gorgeous– vaulted arches, ornate marble flooring and columns, and beautiful furniture. I’d like to visit again without feeling like a fool… or even maybe stay in one of the rooms. Well, that’s on my list of things to do AFTER I win the lotto, anyway.

Moral of the story: I should’ve just arranged for UPS to pick it up from my house. (Wait, I think I got my moral wrong again…)